Trust issues and controlling family? Once upon a time I had a friend. I dont remember why anymore but at some point I agreed to share my google calendar with this friend. I think the idea at first was to make it easier to plan hangouts. The Gladys response is a strategy where all anyone will ever see is you beaming at Pushy Neighbor, talking in a hugely positive way at Pushy Neighbor, and so on, but youre still getting to tell Pushy Neighbor to back the fuck off. I love so hard your example in #3. You absolutely can. I grew up in the Guessiest Guess household ever my mother once quit a job because they said they liked her work so much that theyd like her to do more shifts, and she was angry at being put in the position of having to say no so I didnt come out of childhood equipped with much of a toolbox for saying no assertively. And genuinely interested in what theyre doing! You can do that! I can get behind being annoyed with the sister whos trying to manipulate her into babysitting, but I think theyre reading a lot into the question when its being asked casually. 30+ funny good morning memes to send to your family and friends (Remember the FIRST part of what I saidthat Ive been careful to respect her autonomy since she was a teen. What are you doing tomorrow? Vacuuming the cat. Im thinking the letter we had a while back with mandatory no premade food potlucks is a glaring example of a culture that needs changed, but I would also like to see room in the workplace for people who are good at their work but are reserved/private/not interested in relationships with their coworkers outside of work. Not every parent who expects stuff from their kid is unreasonable. Like Sounds great but tonight wouldnt work for me or Yknow what, Im pretty tired, I could have made something shorter work but that play will just be too much or just Hm, nah. It doesnt mean Im not an interesting person or my life is less meaningful if Im selective about who I share the details of my life with. I do have friends who have trouble planning things for various reasons and often say things like I miss you or We should hang out more without doing anything to make it happen. By formal invitation, Im not necessarily meaning an engraved invitation, like for a wedding or other fairly formal event. I would think that if one is up to the point of having to plan food, one would have also issued a direct invitation? But dont try to play us off against each other. Published on August 6, 2022. In these cases, we are all just curious and looking for stuff to talk about. 101 Funny And Witty Responses To The Question "How Are You?" What about you? The hubs and I do the same. LWs parent. Texting or sending an email to someone. But in the age of smart phones I also find Im going to have to check my email before I say yes to that, so let me get back to you helpful. I think w/ friends, if youre open to the getting together, you can say, Were you thinking of trying to get together? in a hopeful tone. Funny Responses to Compliments Everyone Can Use She does recognize that its a way people make small talk and that its not likely to go away any time soon. (Right Now): What are you doing sometimes means at the very present in which activity are you involved in? This will hopefully lead to the two of you sharing what your plans are and possibly hanging out. This is something that consistently bothers me too although in my case its more just that I dont want to answer that question with my coworkers ever. Which I guess was appropriately scary for the season? If you use the same phrasing with suddenly a dramatically different meaning, its not other peoples fault if they dont know youve changed the meaning on them. This is a great one because it invites the other person to tell you something that they want to share. I used to get really annoyed with this question from my sister, specifically, for the reasons LW gives. What about you?. I probably picked it up from my mom, who does the same thing. So when you talk about watching her leisure time and knowing how she spends it all, I hear a situation that would be psychologically unhealthy for a teenager, let alone someone in their mid-twenties. My current boss is a total jerk. You just need to say, like, Oh, not sure yet, how about you?. It's time to break the silence and let her know that she shouldn't be nosing into your business when her life isn't anything special. 2. A professor I studied under said she, without thinking about it, had an automatic habit of spotting people likely to do that oh Im so nice to your differentness type of racism and trying to run interference to keep them from saying that crap around her grad students. My parents and my in-laws have requests that my husband and I dont feel we can refuse. On the other hand, there are the problem/dominance-related ones: 1. It took some practice, but I always try to give an out for people, especially since I have a group of Japanese friends where theyre used to giving a soft no. Which for neurotypical types, is something that may not be hard to adapt to, but youre kind of being set up to failbecause that kind of question is exactly the kind of thing you would have been taught to do in kindergarten. That doesnt make it okay. Im one of those foreigners who are mystified with the use of How are you? in the US. Jumping from Are you doing anything on the 3rd? to I need to know if youre coming on the 3rd so I know how many pies to bake! would be really confusing. I can ask them on Monday how it was. I think that with my previous friend group culture, a sorry, Im REALLY busy for the next few weeks gets taken personally as Im too busy to maintain our relationship, even though Im trying to, um, not be homeless? What are you up to this weekend? Im self employed so I can realistically be working at any time and date. Simply say something you're obviously not doing. Anything fun planned? FRIEND: I am available [date]! Im still seething. It still feels awkward, even though I do not think she is trying to manipulate me or claim my time. Why does it need taking care of?? Theres also nothing wrong with the sitting alone in the dark rocking back and forth, it just seemed a good description of the void my mother thinks no plans equals. I used to feel guilty about that until I framed it in my mind that its disingenuous to ask about my weekend as entrapment instead of asking me an honest question. You always say Im working on my crochet projects this weekend. Same thing you're doing, talking to you now. Funny How To Respond To WYD (What Are You Doing) Texts Xoxo. 3. So now as far as she knows, I am very very very busy. Especially not in NYC, where housing is so tight, and especially when she doesnt have a job.). For those who are ready to stand out from the crowd, we've gathered ten hilarious out of office messages that will inspire you to raise the bar the next time you sit down to write an autoresponder. I use this regularly, as does most of my social group. I feel like its somewhat related to not saying no also). Im actually really surprised at how many people have expressed that they find this question neutral small talk and/or dont understand why it can feel so loaded. Its okay that my body needs time to recuperate. I understand the concept, but it seems to me that getting an invitation after revealing that you were nominally free at that time would make refusal even harder, not easier. Another good script Ive heard for when the person is clearly trying to invite you to something is What did you have in mind?, If theyre small-talking, you can say something like Hopefully relaxing and destressing. What are you planning? and nowadays I find that a great answer. Rock on, Helen. I have never had it used against me as an ableist term, but I will use a different word in the future. But really those friends should elaborate: What are you doing this weekend? When I was a teen or an adult who looked like a teen, I was very fond of, Ill have to ask my mother. I had as little to do with my mother as possible at the time, but I noticed this response was great at making creepy guys shrivel up and slink off. It's funny I don't even register the question "How are you?" (I've lived equal times on the West and East coasts of the US), but I see a couple of UK commenters upthread and when I lived there I never, ever got used to "You alright?" which, functionally, isn't that different. ' If you ' re studying, doing homework or anything else you deem daunting, this is a great text to send your crush. They may want to squee about something exciting, or vent about something theyre dreading, but theyd feel rude unless they ask you first. Its great! Since youre not busy, do you want to go to [event] with me? Trying to build a house. To read all future answers to your comment, please bookmark this page. It generally meant that they had read somewhere on some really stupid website that you should try to get the girl you want to talk about herself, because girls like to talk about themselves. Its okay that sometimes Im in physical pain and need time to recuperate. But most of all, thats my time with my kids, and Ive realized that Im missing it. Riding an elephant. Its just a formulaic greeting. Its an opener, like Hot enough for you? Or How about that sportsquad at the sportsmatch? The content of your answer is secondary to the dynamic of conversation. Get a little philosophical and it'll get everyone off of your back. It's healthy and doesn't cost a penny. This business of judging what another adult does with their leisure hours (with the obvious caveat that they harm no one) is bad enough, but insisting on the right to interrupt that time to set another adult extra chores is unreasonable in most circumstances, and not good for anybody. Go For a Walk: One of the simplest and most fun things on weekends is going out for a walk. (In this case it was never exactly meant to result in actually doing anything), Them We need to have lunch soon This reminds me of a post the Captain did on Freeing Yourself from Constant Contact with people calling all the time. "Have a happy Saturday." 2) "It's almost the weekend." 3) "And just like thatPoof! If you have a new question, start a new topic. She didnt have other plans; she just wanted to draw a line in the sand about him telling her what to do. Answer with small truths. You have attached a new question to an old thread. 18. ), You can also be very vague, but leave the door open for follow-up if you want to share. Them: What are you doing this weekend? B: Cool. Point 1 also notes that LW apparently finds the small-talk aspect unusually invasive ze doesnt wish to share zir plans at all, while many people consider this to be a low-stakes social bonding ritual. Oh, the usual, you? Ive got a couple things going, do you have any plans? Teaching my fish how to swim. If they want to tell you about their kids, they can. HUGE, HUGE, HUGE numbers of parents of adult children pull this exact same rude little stunt, and its designed to make the adult child respond to powerful guilt buttons installed by the parent and capitulate to what the parent wants, because the adult child is programmed to believe if they dont have a good enough excuse, they have to go attend on the parent at the time in question. Its a way of saying I enjoy spending time with you in a general sense, but without any plans to actually do that. (Seriously? Why not set up a rent in dollars or set hours of work, and have done? I like to use Oh, you know, just some of the usual weekend stuff. You would think, right? *In my case, Z has agreed to push the Ask her yourself button instead of passing messages along. what about this would a person take personally???? The lines of dominance and power are what make this a problem. Five Questions You Can Ask Instead Of 'How Are You?' - Forbes Funny Bumble Answers #4: Ironic, Nerdy-Cute Guy Are you busy? (Like just because I have no plans, I must do the Thing she wants to do. So I got in the habit of saying, I have no plans and thats just the way I like it. Its a little involved because Mittens needs daily collagen injections and also shes doing primal scream therapy. And when they do, you need to be prepared with the most appropriate reply to make the most of the situation. 8. BLah, I realized I didnt finish the thought, I suppose that before I started responding that way they thought I was sitting alone rocking back and forth in the dark.. Well see you at other time, but not in the morning.. When its done as the pre-request, I get really annoyed that the person wont just ask me directly. Nothing? If they really are trying to manipulate you then Im afraid having just the right words wont fix it you will probably have to say no directly when they finally get to their request. If they want to invite me to something Im interested in and available for, I can say yes, and if its something I cant do, I can say I have other plans, etc without it sounding weird. In every group Ive been in it is socially acceptable and expected that you can say youre busy for whatever reason you want. interactions that I think stand a significant chance of blowing up in peoples faces. Me: Nope. 26+ Funny Responses to Being Asked on a Date (Replying Yes or No) It could trick your family members into thinking that you actually have your life together. Like I said, you know the people and the situation better than I, an Internet Stranger, do. Or I read that post all the time. We assume you wont want to share all your more detailed baggage or bad news with someone you dont know very well and we are a little taken aback if you actually do because it indicates that you feel a level of closeness with us that we didnt necessarily feel with you. Oh, theyre going to the movies on Saturday? THIS. She asked me if we were doing anything on a certain day and I was like I cant think of what it is right now but we are definitely doing something that day. She then mentioned a big thing that was on in town this week and yes, that was in fact the thing that we were going to, so I was like Yes!
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